Nemesis

About 10 years ago, before I ever ran even 1 step in my entire life, I put something down on my bucket list. I specifically wrote that I wanted to finish the St. George Marathon. This was not a well thought out item. Especially when I had never run before.
Two years later, I started running. My running career has been, well, interesting to say the least. I have had many people tell me that you grow to love running. Not true for me. It turns out that my really bad allergies contribute to my really bad asthma. Therefore, I HATE RUNNING! It is such a thorn in my side. Don't get me wrong, I feel great after I have completed the run. But during the actual act of running, I think I curse more than I ever have in my whole life combined. I even retired from running for a year. I had decided that it was not my thing, I had given it a good try and I was ok with being done.
But. The marathon was lingering in the background. It just wouldn't go away. It has been my nemesis for 10 long years. I could have taken it off my list but for some reason, I just couldn't. No one would have blamed me. The thing is though, if I say I will do something, I do it. I am not a quitter. I can do hard things. I DO hard things.
I got in last year and with a month left to go, I got an injury and could not do the race. I was super disappointed but I know that there is a divine design to everything. I decided that this years race was my last chance to do it. My great friend, Jamie Froerer is an accomplished marathoner and she agreed to run this race with me. I think I knew from the start that it had to be her. She was the only way I could make it. I do not run like she does. You have to be a good person to agree to something like this.
Friday before the race, I was a basket case. Ask Ross. Poor guy took the brunt of my insanity. I was thinking of every way possible to get out of it. I just knew all of a sudden that I couldn't do it.
Somehow I managed to get to the start line anyway. It was pretty warm at 4 in the morning. 75 degrees warm. I was already seeing my body lying on the side of the road. I wanted to throw up. *On a side note, the amount of people that are there to run the marathon is a sight to behold. They were never ending. Pretty inspiring really.*
Finally we were off. The morning was so beautiful and I was feeling pretty good. Once we got going, my panic subsided. It was fun to just be with Jamie and chat. She is really good at taking your mind off things. There was absolutely no pressure.
Veyo Hill is a beast. I walked it because it is so steep and I still was on the edge of an asthma attack. Icy hot at the aid station was a beautiful thing for my calves.
At mile 14, I hit a wall. My body was tired, my legs were aching and my mind went crazy again. I told Jamie I didn't think I could do it. And this is where it started to be confirmed to me that she is the only one I could have done this with. She wasn't even going to let me talk like that. She kept telling me to "Regroup!" and remember my only goal was to finish.
After about a mile, I started to feel good again and we were run/walking. Then we got to mile 18. I hit the wall again. Only this time it was bigger and harder. She kept pushing me and I kept trying. Around mile 20, I collapsed. My legs totally buckled and I went down. I was a little incoherent and I was seeing spots swimming before my eyes. A few people were stopping to see if I was ok, including the medic van. Jamie was like, "Oh she's fine. Move on to someone older who really needs help. She's finishing." If I had been in my right mind, I may have pushed her over and jumped in with the medic!
Someone gave me a salt pill and Jamie had to hold me up for a while as we walked and the pill took effect. I was seeing spots and staggering all over the place. I told her to go and I would keep pushing through but she wouldn't leave me.
The last 6.2 miles were hell. I was barely moving my feet and I kept having to stop because I thought I was going to throw up. I had horrible stomach cramps. At every mile marker, I just kept telling myself I only had to go one mile.
The last 3 miles were long but some kid handed me a lime popsicle (which was the best thing ever) and someone handed me a baggie full of ice. I am so grateful for random people who just try to make your life a little easier along the way. They didn't have to be there but they made my life better because they were.
The last stretch was about 0.3 miles and you could see the finish line with balloons at the end. We were running and I stopped because my legs hurt so bad. Jamie grabbed my arm and wouldn't let me stop. She said, "There is the finish. Keep your eyes on the finish and don't stop. You are there!"
They announced our names and we ran across the line. She was yelling in my ear, "You did it! You finished a marathon!" I started crying. I was so happy to be done. And believe it or not, I was smiling! And laughing!
My son, Corbin, was waiting with my medal as I crossed. He is the one who gave it to me. That was really cool. Ross, the boys and Jamie's husband Nick were waiting for us. It was a joyous occasion.
At one point in time, we were on pace for a 4:30. My official time was 6:20. For about one second, I was disappointed but that was quickly replaced by the fact that I finished. That was my only goal. I struggled. I hurt. I thought I couldn't do it. I know that there were people there helping me that I couldn't see. I know that there were people praying for me. I had the best coach and cheerleader along the way that believed in me more than I did. I could not have done this without Jamie. I will be forever indebted to her.
I also could not have done it without Ross and the boys. They have stuck by my side through every painful step of the last 8 years. They are my biggest support and my favorite people. I was so happy to get this off their shoulders as well!
Looking back, I am filled with much gratitude about the things I have learned along the way. I am not a quitter. I am strong. I can do anything. God is always with me.
In closing, I will share one of my favorite quotes:

"The miracle isn't that I finished. It's that I had the courage to start."

Dreams

I have determined that one of the most difficult things to deal with in life is when it appears your dreams have gone up in smoke. I know how life is. I know that nothing really goes as planned. It really sucks though when it seems like everything IS going according to plan and then it just doesn't.
I know that it's time to find a new dream. Life is about shifting and changing and rolling with the punches. The problem is that I don't trust myself anymore. I don't trust that I know what the Lord wants me to do. I thought I already knew that!
The only thing I really know, is that I don't know anything at all. But HE knows. I am just happy that somebody does.

Second Choice ;)

If Ross had his deepest desire 16 years ago, he would have been married to Jasmine. She is a hottie and they would have had beautiful olive skinned, bald children. But, I snatched him up and beguiled him with my charm, wit and dashing good looks. I mean, how could he resist me?!
When you decide to marry someone, you can never really know exactly who they are unless you have dated for 10 years previous to getting married. It's risky business.
As I have delved into the many mysteries of this man, I have never met anything that I didn't like. He is so good and even better, he WANTS to be that way. He is not perfect. But again I say, he is absolutely the perfect man for me. Even if he prefers olive skinned Disney princesses.
Happy Anniversary Ross. I love you. I would marry you again, in a heartbeat.

Where in the World is Kelly Sandiego?

What the heck?! I have been totally AWOL. This summer has been CA-RAZY! So much to do, so little time. I have a list of posts to catch up on. So I apologize in advance if I crash your server over the next few days ;)

A Hero

"A hero is somebody who is selfless, who is generous in spirit, who just tries to give back as much as possible and help people. A hero to me is someone who saves people and who really deeply cares."

On August 6, 1973, a hero was born. He has not laid down his life for his beliefs, he has not rushed into a burning building to save a little old lady, he hasn't even broken some world record against all odds.

What he has done is serve his God and his family with unrelenting faith and fortitude. He never gives up. I think that somewhere in his brain he must think, "I can rest when I am dead." He has saved me in many ways on countless occasions. He teaches our sons by example. He is my best friend and eternal companion. He inspires me to be more, be better every day. Therefore, August 6th is one of my favorite days. It is a day deserving of the hero in my house.

Happy Birthday Ross. You are my hero and always will be.

Birthday Boy!

I love all of my kids equally but there is something extra special about my first born. He was the one that made me a mother, the one that I very first laid eyes on and loved more than I ever thought I could love someone. You are an amazing young man with so many gifts. It's crazy to think that you have been my son for 14 years.

There has never been a day when I have not been proud of you, Tyson, though some days I’m louder about other stuff so it’s easy to miss that.

Love you so much!

Back On Track

So obviously yesterday was a bad day. I think we all need those once in a while to freak out a bit, take a step back and re-evaluate what is important in our lives. I find that often times, the things I get upset about don't really matter in the long run. Especially when I look at all the trials that are going on in other people's lives.
I have the greatest husband. I know he thinks I don't listen but I do. He has a calming effect that goes straight into my heart and my mind. He can help me see so many angles that I can't see by myself. I appreciate and love him so much.
Here's to a new day! Sorry that I have not been so great at controlling my ugly side lately. Life comes at you fast. I am not always prepared!