Pay It Forward

Today is the day! If you leave me a comment here, I will pick a random person for a sweet surprise!

Pay It Forward Day

Tomorrow, December 1st, 2010 is national Pay It Forward Day. What are we gonna do people?

I want to hear stories. I will post mine as well.

Impossible?

"Always use the word impossible with the greatest caution."

Nice Matters

There was a time in my life when I really felt like I hated people. Or I wanted to hate them anyway because I felt like everyone was constantly letting me down. They weren't living up to the standards that I was placing on them.

It wasn't until after Ross and I were married that he helped me realize a few things. #1, I don't hate anyone nor do I want to hate anyone for that matter. #2, It's not quite fair to hold people to a standard that they don't even realize is there. They will fail 100% of the time. Once I realized these things, my motivation changed a lot. I became nice because that's what I wanted to be.

Still, sometimes it is difficult for me if I feel I have given so much of my heart and soul to someone simply to see them smile and have it appear to make no difference. I don't do things to be praised or rewarded but it's nice to feel that it mattered somehow. At times I feel like I am smaller than I want to be. I think I must be selfish.

Regardless, I will continue to try and make a difference because nice matters. Even if the only one it changes is me.

Consequences

With every decision comes consequences. I know that most of the time we don't get to choose the consequences we get but I think it's fair to say that sometimes we can predict what they will be.

Here is where it gets tricky. I recently made the decision to do something that would end up hurting 2 people in my life. I weighed it out in my mind for a few days so I didn't do anything rash. I determined that it was for the greater good and that it had to be done. I knew what the consequences would be and I decided I could live with the fallout because I had to.

I did it and found out that I was mistaken in my thinking. I still stand by what I did though because it was quite literally, a life or death situation. I took it like a man (so to speak) and apologized profusely for the damage I had done, knowing it can never really be undone.

The fallout for me has been a lot of turmoil. I know I did what was right but in a very wrong way. I did not handle it at all like my Savior would have and that is the agony I am in right now. I hate the moments in life when you realize you are not a very good person. It hurts.

Maybe next time I will take a little more time to really consider how He would handle it. I am sure that those consequences don't hurt nearly as bad.

Character

Stormy Seas

We all know that life is a series of tests. Every day I hear about someone going through something new and terrible. I was talking to a friend the other day about a situation someone is in. My friend said to me, "At least you don't have any trials Kelly. I never have to worry about you."

I wanted to start laughing. Really? EVERYONE has trials. Sure, I am not living in some obscure part of the world with no food and no money, I don't have a life threatening disease, I am not growing up in a war torn government. But I sure have things that are very challenging for me. I guess my battles are a lot more internal most of the time so they are not so obvious.

Don't get me wrong. I live the fairy tale life. I have the greatest husband and kids, a great house and live in the most beautiful valley in the world. I have so many people that I love dearly though that struggle so badly with very hard things daily. I was blessed with a measure of empathy and I can feel every hurt they have. That is a challenge for me.

I could sit here and find everything that makes me mad or makes me feel bad and create ways in my mind that life stinks. I CHOOSE not to. I choose to see the miracles around me every day. I choose to see the hand of God in everything. (because it's there, people.)

In the Book of Mormon, in the book of Ether, it talks about the Jaredites being locked up in their barges out on the sea, with the storms raging all around them. They could have been mad they were locked up in the barges and mad that there was a storm but they had faith that those storms were blowing them TOWARD the promised land. Do we choose to just feel the storm or do we see that we are being pushed where we need to be?

The Lord has never let me down. I know that I am one woman living in Utah and that my influence will most likely never reach the far corners of the earth. I can, however, make a difference here, everyday, by choosing my attitude and inspiring others around me to do the same. Bottom line, life is not always easy. But for me, it sure is good.