Loving Myself

I am not sure where my thinking got screwed up in my life. Maybe it was when I was a little girl watching my mother exercise day in and day out and always calling herself fat. (she was not fat in any manner) Maybe it was when I was a teenager thumbing through fashion magazines and wishing so badly that I had perfect skin and hair and body. (looking back, I wasn't too bad) Somewhere along the line though, I taught myself to hate my face, my body, my hair, my skin, etc. etc. The list could go on and on. 

I have always thought that by the time I was 40, life would be practically perfect and I would have it all together.  I have gained 25 pounds since I stopped running. My body is not what I want it to be. I am not the best mother, though I try to be. I am not the best wife, although I also try to be that. I am forever beating myself up about all these things that I think I should be and yet am not.

I have realized something, though. I am staring 40 in the face and my life IS practically perfect! I have the best husband, the best kids, the best family and the best friends. NONE of them are perfect but they are to me. 

Life does not have to look a certain way. My biggest hangup right now is my physical appearance. Having a little extra weight does not determine my worth. I have decided to love myself the way I am, while still working at being the best I can be. I am going to see myself for my accomplishments and not my hangups.

#1- Continue to try and be the best wife and mom I can be. Ross and the boys love me and they want me to be happy. How can I keep them from me being happy?
#2- In the whole grand scheme of things, does it matter how much I weigh? It does matter if I am healthy and taking care of my body. So that is what I will do.
#3-This "ugly" body has stories to tell! It has traveled the world, had 3 kids (via c-section), run countless miles (including a marathon), biked a few miles as well, held up the weight of the world, held up hands and hearts and heads that hang down, kneeled in the temple of God with my husband, and made covenants. It serves those around it. It carries a whole lifetime of happiness, sorrow, experience, and love. There is nothing to not love about it! It's who I am and a part of who I want to become. 

I know that these things are not easy, especially for a woman. I really believe that I can do it. I believe that I can do anything. 

And so, I will.